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Pimps and players swear by it
Is there such a thing as a “look of love”?  I guess the the modern term would be the look of attraction or the “sex look”.  This would be the look somebody gives you if they are interested in you on a romantic or sexual level.  Many self-professed “pimps”, “players”, “hustlers”, and “ladiesmen” claim that this look exists and it is the ’secret’ to their sexual success.  Far be it for us to discount these guys’ expert opinions but drescribing the look in such ’secret’ terms makes looking for the “look” no different from hunting a unicorn.  In our opinion there is no mystical or magical look–it is in fact a natural part of any person’s body language which signals their interest in a person.  There’s no magic to it.  There’s no mystery.  The “look” is part of any person’s unique body language which they use in their daily lives.  The mystery of “the look” is in figuring it out since it varies from person to person.  I am convinced that there are some common features of the note that people give out when they are attracted to someone.

Separating magic from reality

A little bit of background on the look of love.  A lot of the romantic notions of this phenomenon can be traced back to the Middle Ages.  You don’t have to read Joseph Campbell’s books on mythology to realize that a lot of our concepts of romantic love and personal romance dates from the Middle Ages.  That era is also the source of many mystical notions of attraction and emotions.  During this period, courtiers and troubadours and roaming poets would talk about and recite poetry about the mystery of love and romance.  I think that they just mystified a fairly common and real phenomenon to fit the language of their times.  They framed the concept of attraction in terms that people of  the Middle Ages thought about love and relationships.  This mystification doesn’t take away from the power and the reality of the look.  The same process also applied to the concept of romantic love in 1800s–the heavy focus on personal love and personal attraction in romantic terms.  If you dig through all the labels and historcial packaging, there is this reality of that certain look of attraction that people give each other.  Nowadays, sentimental concepts of romanticism come off as cheesy and outdated.  In our less than sentimental and slightly more cynical times, the look of love has been repackaged as the “hook up” look of sexual receptivity.  It’s more about trying to spot that person who will “give it up” quickly.  Regardless of your motives or objective, the look exists and the only question is how to spot it.

How to spot the “look”

There are many myths regarding the look of attraction.  One of most prevalent myths is that it’s the same for all people, for all places, and for all time.  This is not the case.  Every person is different.  Each person’s vocabulary of emotional expression/body language differs.  This applies to the look of attraction, the same way it applies to any other personal expression.  Believing in one universal look of attraction is one sure way to fail at finding the look. The trick is to open your mind and be receptive to develop and recognize when you see it.  Here are some tips:

Awkward looks

One somewhat common aspect of “the look” is that it is often awkward.  It is not a normal look somebody gives you when they are feeling comfortable, secure, and “composed”.  The look is given during moments of emotional vulnerability or receptability.  It is a moment of honesty, and most honest moments are awkward, unplanned, unscripted.  If you are looking for Hollywood type, static and practiced expressions, you’re probably going to be disappointed.  Instead focus on detecting something that is out of the ordinary.  Something that is out of the normal range of composure.  Everybody possesses this concept of composure and dignity.  The look is an awkward break for them.  Some common patterns of awkward looks are: looking at another person while they are turning their head, pretending to scratch their face, turning their head to look while pretending to pick something up from the floor, or some other type of action meant to hide the awkward moment of looking.  Recognize these breaks in composure.  However, awkwardness is just one part of the formula of the look.  There are other components.

Repeated looks

Besides awkwardness, the person has to look repeatedly.  The person obviously cannot look at you enough–the attraction is that strong.  So the action must be repeated.  It is easy to meet misunderstand an awkward action if it only happens once.  But if the person keeps repeating the same look repeatedly then the chances of genuine attraction increases.  Look for patterns in the repetition of the look.  Are they doing the same thing when they keep looking, or are they doing different things?  What other facial signals do you see?

Look with a smile

When judging a person’s look, you have to determine whether it is made from pure awkwardness and a sense of embarrassment or if there is an accompanying smile.  Normally, both have to be present to correctly identify the look of real attraction.  A smile can take the form of a shy smile or a slightly embarrassed smile (when they realize you noticed them look at you).  But the smile must be matched with eye contact.  If it isn’t and the person quickly looks away, then the look might not be of attraction.  Turning away communicates embarassment of the fact that they realized you noticed them lookinig at you.  Very, very different context from genuine attraction.

How to attract The Look

Now that you have some general idea on what to look for, here are some tips on how to attract the look from others.  These tips can apply to anything you do to attract positive attention to yourself.  However, they are geared towards attracting romanting partners:

Be confident

The number one rule in attracting positive attraction from the opposite sex is to be confident.  Whether you’re a man or a woman, young or old, everyone, regardless of their age, sex, or orientation, looks more attractive when they are confident.  Confidence attracts attention precisely because it is is relatively rare.  Most people aren’t very visibly confident and this shrinks the pool competition for attraction and makes confident people stand out.  What do people look at when judging your confidence level?  Your posture, the way you walk, the way you talk, and the clothes you wear.  A straight but not rigid posture means somebody who is self-assured.  Enhance your posture by putting your hands on your waist when you talk.  This signals control and mastery.  Walk confidently by walking straight and with a straight posture. A little swagger is okay.  Just don’t overdo it.  Cockiness is a turnoff.  Moreover, clean, distinctive clothes signal to the viewer that you are a confident individual.

Eye content and blinking

When you spot someone giving you The Look, slowly turn to look at them.  Return the look.  Try to MIRROR the look they are giving you.  Look directly but remember to blink.  Linking signifies genuineness.  Your direct look indicates that you are also interested but the blink communicates a little bit of vulnerability.  It is your acknowledgement that you are “caught in the moment”.  Never look down on the person looking at you by tilting your head up.  This will scare them.  Always remember to smile back at them.  Try to mirror the smile that they give you.  If they give you a shy smile, smile back a little bit more confidently but lean towards the shy side.  If they give you repeated smiles and looks with a slightly embarrased tinge, mimic this as well.  Since you’re trying to figure out if they are giving you the look of attraction tou cannot come off as too eager.  So make sure to mimic their body language.  Once you are sure that this The Look then you can proceed to talk to the person.

Remember, contrary to all of the laws of attraction and other attraction success fads that are currently all the rage on the Internet, there is no magic bullet to attracting the right person.  All of these methods of identifying the look or taking proactive steps to attract the look, require action on your part.  Nobody is going to figure out how good of a person you are and or how desirable person you are if you just sit at home and eat Doritos and watch Friends reruns.  Just as successful people make their own luck, yoour actions and your willpower allows you to make opportunities happen for others to give you the Look.  Looks are not enough, you have to act on it.  There’s no PASSIVE law of attraction in dating, you have to act.

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You’ve seen this happen before.  She walks down the corridor, flipping her hair, which falls softly around her shoulders. She throws back her head, and her laughter sounded like chimes to you.  You walk up to her, and her floral scent fills the air. She looks at you looking sheepishly back at her, mouth agape around a soundless “hello.”  And just when you think you’ve seen the worst, you begin to wet your pants.  It’s a bad dream.  It’s déjà vu.  It’s you each time you attempt to ask someone out.

It’s a rite of passage, yes, but asking someone out shouldn’t have you bleeding.  It’s not that easy, but in life and love, you really have to take risks.  Here’s a few how-to tips that should help you get a “yes” from the girl of your dreams, or at least give you enough courage to ask.

Before asking someone out…

*  Check your motives.  If you know exactly what you want, it’ll give you more focus especially in trying to come up with the right words to say.

*  Be prepared for her answer. Hope for the best, but always prepare for the worst. A “no” is a bitter pill to swallow but swallow it in style. She might even realize what she’s missing.

*  Be ready with the details. For girls, dressing appropriately for a date is crucial, so she would surely ask about the venue and activities if she says “yes.”

*  Don’t do something crazy, like downing a couple of beers to get a confidence boost. True, alcohol lets people say the things they can’t say when they’re sober, but that includes stupid things, too.

How-to tips for getting a second date

Don’t border on the extremes, like being too casual or aggressive.  Highlight your best qualities not by showing off. If you’re clueless, ask your trusted friends why they like hanging out with you.  If it’s your positive outlook in life, let that show.  Don’t be afraid to present yourself the way you are.  Girls don’t want you trying too hard to please them by creating a false image that you can’t live up to.  It’s either they’ll like you or they won’t.  If you don’t get a second date, don’t be so hard on yourself.  Sometimes, even if you’re the coolest guy on the planet, the chemistry just happens to be on another galaxy.

Photo Credit : ncfc0721